July 28th, 2011


Thursday Night Feels … Odd

Alone with the animals, feeling unable to eat, worried about health insurance and prescriptions, concerned by the increase in pain as well as even worsening nausea.

There's not very much I can do. Hoping things will start to calm down so I can not feel as though dying in pain and alone is creeping up on me like it feels.

Do I tend to reiterate at such times that I'm scared and having nobody to check in on me shouldn't frighten me as much as it does. But it does. A lot.

The plus right now is my choice of new roommate. I sincerely feel more positive about him than I have others. His age is on the border of instant negation. But his experience in care trumps most of the others who applied. Though I do like the woman who's my age and very matter of fact. Too bad there were some things that came up, but I think I would have chosen as I did anyway.

Thinking and writing I'm finding incredibly difficult so no more for now because this is too difficult with the nausea and dizziness and pain and blurred vision and so on. Going to finish my computer type things and curl around one of my new body pillows.

When there's nobody to comfort you but yourself, pets and pillows and soft blankets can combine to take the place of those missing arms.