December 19th, 2011


Overwhelmed by what holidays show

Everything feels so unbelievably overwhelming and I have nobody here to turn to.

Erica has effectively walked away from our friendship. Shawn's apparently out of my life excepting alimony payments for the rest of our lives. My family refuse assistance with my care. Several people have said Will is mooching off me.

All I want for Christmas are friends, health, and security. Stability and platonic love.

And perhaps I should seriously attempt to do my legally assisted suicide plans. I wish there was a group I could apply to who would assist me through the process and maybe even help defray the expenses in exchange for maybe including me in a documentary or something like that?

There's Will and Tom being very different types and both of them have made derogatory comments about the other one that have both truth and misunderstanding. Will is correct about Tom's inappropriate behavior and Tom is correct that Will is a slovenly housekeeper who leaves a lot of mess for me to pick up after when I'm capable.

Femme Pois and Precious Petal are spending quite a lot of time near me - the nurse-like behavior seems to have passed from Purrbarella to Petal. When I'm crying FP will often climb up to my face to lick tears off. She only does it when I'm sobbing. Erica has seen her do it and we agree that it's not just for the salt. ;-)

My pets give me the strength I need to make it through each day. They all, even my fish, need and depend on me for love and comfort.

Which reminds me: I'd like to send out my annual Solstice card and mixed CD. If you're interested in one please email me your snail mail or text it to my phone via LJ if you don't have it. The exchange of thoughtful cards and/or gifts is always a nice thing to share at any time, but since my divorce this past June I have no family of my this year feels like I just want to hide and yet I know that won't help at all...