February 3rd, 2012

fallen dark angel

The Joy of a Herniated Disc

I'm still in the hospital over on Ashby hoping that I can somehow heal enough that being placed in a Physical Therapy Rehab Center will somehow manage to get avoided. But looking at my face in the mirror I can see how red and highly inflamed my cheeks, chin, and forehead have become. Does that necessarily mean I've got lupus after all? Of course not. But it is still a fairly significant symptom I'm currently showing.

On the plus side we've got me able to use a lower-level bedpan with only one nurse having to assist me instead of the two I've had as a necessity in order to urinate. Who knows? Perhaps I will merely need one extra day in the hospital? But, that's probably merely wishful thinking as I'm still incapable of sitting up without excrutiating pain and that's going to cause a lot of problems at home.

Will's my caregiver, yes. But he did not sign up for this when he applied for the roommate/assistant/caregiver situation and honestly I don't think I would feel comfortable having him even trying to assist me in this (for me) embarrassing and slightly humiliating aspect of recovery. Besides which, the things I need his immediate help with are more in touch with the administrative aspect of my care. As well as my doctor and healthcare needs and most especially the pets being safe and feeling loved - he seems to truly have all of that under his control and I don't feel any urgency to taking him away from all those very serious needs the home has him handling.

And I'm going to rest a little more and think about what my next step should be. My night nurse just gave me a ton of positive reinforcement and so though I'm still needing the fairly serious help, she told me that I only had the back surgery on Wednesday and the catheter came out Thursday morning, so for me to have gotten this far in my rehabilitation already is something I should feel proud of.

Nausea still a definite problem, but if I really can get even more than half-way through my rehabilitation more quickly than it first appeared, going home to my bed and my sweetlings definitely provides me with the necessary motivation. I'm mostly ready if I can keep focused on the healing aspect of my pain versus merely only the pain.

And dammit all! I'm worn out, naturally, and rest until a bit more strength seems like my wisest choice to currently make.