June 17th, 2012


Argh! Panic Attack Right Now...

I'm in the midst of a full blown panic attack and I'm trying to type my way through it.

My chest feels ready to burst. My stomach is all twisted in on itself. My eyes seem half blind so finger typing takes longer. There's a dark shadow hovering over me, causing intense yet nebulous fear. I'm freaking out and if asked why there's causes enough, yet I couldn't say which started my interior screaming freak out.

There's a ton of paperwork to get in order for my food stamps application. Plus I need to figure out which bills take priority and then pay what I can to the lesser ones while still leaving enough so when rent comes due I'm still solvent enough. Checks for small amounts to hospitals and doctors. It's so overwhelming that I can't breathe very well. Full on panic attacks are dangerous. Especially when they have valid causes. And there's no help from anywhere. Just more demands for faster and now and so on.

I'm freaking out because there's too much and I KNOW how Diane felt when she made her decision. Still not going to take a lemming leap, but gods I feel like I'm ready to.