July 17th, 2012


Like Looking Into A Mirror

Shana moved in and has already shown herself not only capable, but completely aware of the most intimate details of adrenal insufficiency.

In short, she too has adrenal insufficiency. She's also a mere few years older than me and was diagnosed approximately at the same age. We swapped pictures of ourselves before steroids and were both stunned.

I cried.

So this is what it's like when people meet me and see what I was like before this horrible disease attacked me. She was gorgeous. Just gorgeous. She's a size 18 now. And like me she has had to deal with people's rudeness or crudeness or ignorance. "Why can't you lose the weight?" "Why can't you stop the steroids?" "But you look healthy!" And so on and on.

She lost a thriving business in Los Angeles, friends, and more. I lost friends, my husband, my house, modeling and photography capabilities, and more. We have both negative and positive qualities in common. There's tentative hope that this can form a base of a healthy living situation for both of us.

Will wrote a very comforting email to me. He helped me realize that what James did had nothing to do with me as he was with me for nine months and found it easy to handle. I'm very generous and caring and didn't deserve to be just abandoned when I'm this sick and gave James much more than we had agreed upon based on my wanting to see him thrive. It's in my nature.

I'm foolish that way.

Just ask my ex-husband.

I've had so many people say that my health care should be covered by him and I've had a fair amount say that they believe he had the advice of a lawyer, unlike me. Would he have done so and lied about it? Yes, maybe he would.

But for now, I'm very sick from all the physical and emotional stress occurring and I need rest and lots of it. I'm almost out of my hydrocortisone and there's been a foul up with my insurance that needs fixing ASAP. And on that note I'll get ready to sleep. I've spent most of today sleeping due to this adrenal problem flareup. Need more. My teeth aren't helping, that's for certain.

But I think Shana is.