December 31st, 2012

Candle = Calm

Light And Love In The Dark

What can a person do if rent, utilities, medication, and food equal more money than they have? Starve? Stop as many meds as possible? Let utilities get turned off? Strip? Whore? Beg? Borrow? Stealing doesn't even get a look in...I might be scared of what happens next, but dishonesty doesn't get a look in. I'd sell my whole studio, barring my 30D and lenses, all my vintage modeling clothes, my $1200 but purchased for $600 wedding gown, my purple velvet chaise longue, and so forth. Tablet with every necessary accessory.

The trouble is selling at worth or a little less when most people try to get as much as possible for as little as possible. Understandable, but it would only hurt me in the long run to allow it.

I'm spending tonight all on my own, but I'm okay with it. Second year in a row, really. Katie's spending some of her free time with me after running my errands with me - we may have discovered that this situation doesn't work for her, but we seem to have discovered a burgeoning friendship. But tonight after she heads out to her boyfriend? Just me, the pets, and the tv. Of course my couch has plenty of room for guests, but I'm back to feeling pretty isolated.

Here's to 2013…may the things that matter grow as beautifully as my plants, and may this year bring love, light, joy, and happiness to the good people in my life. Growth, inner strength, and stability as well. That's my sincerest desire and hope for you, them, and me.
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    Peace And Quiet
Conspiracy!

What A Find For NYE 2012!

I'm about to start watching "William Shatner's Gonzo Ballet" on Netflix, and I can honestly say that this may keep me chortling for the next 50 minutes.

I'm still alone with nobody to hold me and cuddle me and maybe even massage and smooch me. Maybe I need to readjust and get used to it.

Katie helped me run a bunch of errands this evening. Took longer than expected due to two times needing to replace her due to confusion. No worries though. I'm definitely going to miss her once Raul returns. Though I'll definitely appreciate our home's return to our healthy growing stability.

Though who knows? He may return and give two weeks notice. Anyway, I'm feeling sort of melancholic and run down. The picture I just took shows it I fear. The bags under my eyes are ridiculously dark and large. Ah well, I'll keep my self cheery by opening my bottle of champagne - I can and will watch this ballet with my drink and chocolate covered cashews.

I wish Chris was here. He'd keep me laughing and make me his excellent funnel cake and/or whiskey caramel popcorn. Yum to laughing and comfort junk food made from scratch. :-)