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I feel as though I am far past giving up. Between my missing my house and the difference between how people view my photography and modeling and the huge lack of me doing things I planned, only to get so ill that I'm now seeing famous people completing my ideas I feel like giving up.

I can't even do one proper photo shoot here while in Austin I'm inundated with shoots, a house I love, and just as many (or as few) friends. While being here has helped my health, I still feel as though I've given up more than I am capable of and lost any self respect I might have had.

Turning 40 this week puts a cap on everything. I've failed to accomplish any of the goals I created in the past few years. But I see other people with health and wealth seeming to pick up on those same ideas and accomplishing them.

Tears say it all.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Cry it out of your system and then (please pardon my bluntness) suck it up. *huge hug* Don't make me bust out the "do you know how much worse (insert misfortunate souls here) has it than you do?" because girlfriend you KNOW I will do it. *giggle*

I get like this, believe me. I was going to be a Nurse Practicioner. My FMS will not allow it, so I am going to do medical transcription...it pays well but is not viewed with the kind of respect that nursing is. And I hate that my health dictates *anything*. But then I think about what's happening in the news...people who have hundreds of thousands in debt and can't find a job and have kids to support and are losing their homes...well, I have to realize that it can ALWAYS be worse. Always...

*more big hugs*
Hi darlin...

All I can say is to try and not mark time in such a linear way, it really helps with perspective/overcoming sadness. If I continued to wallow about not getting a damned thing done in the 6+ years of crushing depression and resultant debt I experienced during and after grad school, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish anything I have over the last few years.

The "what if's" still come back to haunt from time to time, but I can't let them win.

Age is really meaningless, time markers suck.