I wrote this on my Facebook "Notebook" only to get a response effectively saying I'm in control of my health and all I need to do is stop seeing doctors and then everything will turn out just peachy-keen.

This attitude toward my illness offends me on so many levels. Would he say that if I had cancer diagnosed? A broken limb? My friends who have died in accidents - did they secretly wish to die in such horrible manners?

I'm not sick because of doctors or because I love being in horrible pain so much of the time and anybody who thinks so is an idiot, a fool, an unthinking bastard, or all of the above. I hate what is happening to me. It's horrible and miserable and terrifying and unless you have gone through at least some of the worst of it with me you have no idea how bad my health truly is.

Here is what I wrote there:

I'm truly happy that Shawn came back home for the holidays, even bringing the puppies with him. The facts that the doctors keep hitting me with is fairly non-stop bad news.

Labwork shows for the good there's more bad. Autoimmune functioning not so well. 100 pounds gained in six months. Diabetes incipient unless something changes. Death definitely plausible in the next five-seven years due to everything being screwed up. Even the steroids I'm taking aren't being absorbed properly so I'm taking double or triple what most people take and only half of it's showing up in the bloodwork.

I spent my last therapy session crying more than I've ever cried during a session. Not out of self-pity. More out of shock and my need to release how bad it all seems in an appropriate (ie crying) manner.


This received a response telling me that nothing's really wrong with me and I just need to stop seeing doctors.

Godsdammit - I would LOVE to stop seeing doctors.

Still attempting to sell my gorgeous costumes and corsets and gowns. Not having much luck.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.