mollyblack (mollyblack) wrote,

Will Just Sent Me An Email Praising My Inner Strength But (Like Erica) Saying I Need To Relax

I'm in incredible pain and I'm totally alone excepting my sweetlings.

I could use a friend to help out for just a day or two. I know this possibly sounds more antagonistic than I mean it, but the fact nobody has written or called excepting (ironically as some will know) my Mom, my sister,and my Dad. The first year I'm utterly alone and the only contact from the outside world for the first time in a long time comes from my biological family.

This really bothers me. Erica hasn't responded except to write and say she was coming over and then she never did and she never wrote to say why or anything. So I guess things like Grey Gardens feels morbidly appropriate. I just added my even more to my Amazon wishlist. My wishlist creations give me fun doing shared window shopping, as it were.<img src="" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important;" />

Trying to decide some very serious things. And then I laugh to myself at that since it seems that there is very little non-serious things currently. My health, my finances, my ex-husband's behavior regarding things that are extremely serious, the care of my sweetlings, the organization of the items here that belonged to my ex and myself and what to do with it all, my insurance, my prescriptions, yeesh. Basically it feels fairly insane.

Now that Tom is gone, I hope that the melodrama BS has left with him. I feel as though Shawn's pushing in a very negative way. I find it interesting that so many viewpoints are shared by Erica and Will, two people who have never met and one of which has never met or talked with Shawn, about Shawn's behavior toward me. I mean, I've never really discussed Shawn with Will, but he sees and hears about the things I need done and handled and the many messages I've sent and phone calls never returned, nor emails, nor anything when it's very important until literally the last second. Thus it's as though he's attacking me since he knows my Addison's Disease is complicated and has had me hospitalized and stress? Stress is a direct attack. And when there's a bill ... oh geez. Forget it. I don't want to even think about it. Though he pulled it again today. Melodramatic freak out by Tom as I need a shot to attempt to stop my collapse. And then today Shawn pulled his last second emergency issue toss - something he was handed to handle months ago. Due tomorrow. I didn't get any response until this morning and his excuse was he's visiting family now so couldn't do what should have been done before he left on his trip.

Okay. Stopping thinking about it. I've enough pain and hurt to last way too long and I want nothing more than for this to stop. I want help. Will's trying his best to help comfort me and remind me not to push so hard and that it's only a few more days. I've fallen down already, but if I can just hold up these things and get my prescriptions filled - quite urgent, actually, that.

Hugs offered to my friends who have made it through this and just know that if you can help me, I could use help. Hanging out with me and walking the dogs and helping me get around...that's all I need until Will gets back to help me get everything done. It's hard to explain just how sick I am. And if I seem to go on and on about it, that's because unfortunately it's currently the main point of what everything I have to deal with. Plus when pain never goes away and is so bad that to stand up is to cause a small scream from the extra burst of pain. I'm a wuss that's strong. A strong pathetic wuss. LOL.

Yay for travel documentaries from Michael Palin and Terry Jones tonight. :-)


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