mollyblack (mollyblack) wrote,

Pretty Freaked Out

Please let me have peace.

To find out I may have systemic lupus after all has thrown me. The "rash" is more than the steroid "flush" and I sort of knew when Dr. Young brought it up and I found out it is very possible that I'm just not having it show up in my tests.

Emotionally I'm getting about as low as I can get. Can't explain why without possibly creating melodrama. It stays as only incredibly upsetting and stressful and fear-causing if it doesn't become public.

Migraine and hand pain coming and going and at 7-8 levels. I'm crying from the pain so it counts as a 10 if 10 is absolute worst and crying seems indicative of a 10.

Watching Sondheim to try to distract myself from all the internal sadness. Helping? Possibly. I've clean sheets thanks to Will. Don't think things are settling back easily. There's definite undercurrents of stress and coldness. Unsure if it is only exaggerated in my mind but it's quite tangible.

Finally took my 30D out and started playing with it and thinking about lighting sources. That's a good place to end this, so ended...


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