mollyblack (mollyblack) wrote,
mollyblack
mollyblack

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Believe Me When I Say To You...

The only thing keeping me alive is the need my four pets for me and the love they constantly share with me, to the point that when punished for bad behavior three of them make certain to try and make up by behaving in a contrite manner until I acknowledge their good behavior.

Today I took the dogs out and I only had my cane. Femne Pois saw a dog and ran so fast that her leash pulled me down after being yanked so hard it was twisted with Ein's leash and got pulled deep into my outer thigh. I went down. No more walking them without my walker until I start improving. Anyway, I yelled at FP and refused to let her on the bed for a couple of hours. I finally let her on and she came up in a submissive position and looked at me and licked my hand until I started caressing her wonderfully soft ears.

It's the same way with Ein and Lolita. And while Petal's young and still in the early stages of her training, she's doing pretty darn well. She cuddles and plays with everybody else. I love seeing and hearing the two cats running around and Lolita acting as though years have dropped away. And to see the cats and dogs all sprawled out, or even better all curled up, together on the bed next to me or even touching me by laying on my feet.
I'm only surviving the current extra high pain levels by having some ativan. It sucks that pain levels get so ridiculously out of control that if I wasn't surrounded by my sweetlings and (yes, I admit it) technology that allows distraction by way of (say like now) bluray quality "Samurai Champloo" and fuzzy pets (all four are with me) and the ability to share these feelings with - well, really for myself. I've kept a journal steadily since June 1989 and an online journal since October 1996. Okay...must take a mental break and focus on my lovely anime distraction. If I've any awake friends nearby please text me and say you want to come over and squish next to me and the pets and watch with me...Carl, Erica, Randall, Wayne (ok, he's too far away), Melissa...I'm feeling incredibly alone and I can't say it or write it enough: my sweetlings are what ground me when it's at its worst.
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