mollyblack (mollyblack) wrote,

Codicil Re: Cry Me A River

The point I thought was obvious but perhaps wasn't is this...

I don't look to the familial situation as a reason to cry and point fingers and use it as an excuse for victimhood. So far as my family goes I'm fine with them and how things are. They don't get used as a reason for me to cry over and over "Why Daddy? Why did you want her to have an abortion? Why didn't you ever want to see me? Why did you give me up?" while I shoot drugs or drink alcohol. That's SO unimportant in the realm of my life.

I don't look at the car accident in '91 as a reason.

I sure as hell don't use my multiple sicknesses as a reason. And if I did a few years ago while I was coming to terms with how bad it was/is? Not any longer.

There's a reason I've had such a change in my life and why the way people who know me now either have seen the old happy cheerful go-lucky me return, but that's neither here nor there. Though it's a really great feeling to have that self back. ;-)

I'm not a victim using my family problems as an excuse to do drugs or alcohol or my weight gain from the steroids to wallow in an eating disorder. That's all the journal entry was regarding. How I don't go wah-wah-wah poor me...but rather how I'm happy enough - and as I'm typing this it's season five and yup another situation like one I can see my own life mirrored in a myriad of ways that just makes me shake my head.

I'm so lucky I've my pets. That's why I'm photographing them laying next to me as I type this. You can't see Femme Pois under the blanket next to Lolita, but she's there. Their unconditional love makes things so much better. And Melissa stopped by just now and that was a happy visit. There's lots of things like that in my life now. Friends call from across country and that's just as good as a hug. I'm feeling very lucky I'm my friends.

Okay...enough. I'm happy and I'm lucky and I hope that this clarifies my previous post. I'm loved by my family...but that's not the point. I wrote that I'm not using the dysfunction to use drugs and so forth.


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