The nausea and dizzy spells are about as bad as they can get, with large bits of pain hurting me as I try to remain as curled up as possible. I definitely don't want the pain and such to continue but I'm honestly stuck in the midst of this pain.

Managed to shower today, and that helped a bit to ease my nausea. But I'm honestly stuck. Financially I'm feeling beaten. What can any person unable to work do? I can't afford my rent anymore.

There's so much more, but I'm hurting too much to continue. Dreams aren't enough. Pain keeps me tightly in hand, no matter what I do to try and make my life better. I'm searching for a home for the cats first. My rent is stuck until my lease ends in May. Finally, I need two lawyers: one for disability and a second for help figuring out my situation with regards to family law.

And honestly I'm sick as can be. I am unsure whether hospital stay has become necessary. Or if I'm just struggling with whatever Raul's struggling with.

This being so sick makes me want to see if I'm SO sick that stopping my meds might end this physical illness. It's not me trying to cry for help. I'm just suffering and want it to stop. Please.

Pretty please, stop this…I can't hold on much more. I'm truly trying. Promise.