Today I took the Prius to have its three recall notices all taken care of at once. Drove myself the ten blocks are so to the very place Shawn picked it out from. Since he keeps having a go at me by insisting on his note every month that the car payment is coming out of my alimony. A situation opposite our long term verbal agreement that if he left me, I received our house and car. But the house took us both down and out and now there's this bs with the car payments.

While waiting I test drove a Scion XB and a Matrix and out of all three cars I liked the Matrix best. But it would only drop his payments by $100/month and extend it another couple of years. I told him if he made it happen I'd cover half the payments. Considering he took the car I wanted away and did this to gain his dream Prius it kind of would be cool of him to help me get the car I'd rather have.

We emailed one another quite civilly, about some of this. I know he wants rid of the payments and the car. With the trade in we lose very little in difference for what we owe versus what the blue book value is. Stuff to think about while my feet scream at me.

This week just keeps getting busier and more intense. First therapy appointment with (hopefully) my new therapist. Then the whole 2 1/2 hour - two evening certification process for gaining assistance in buying a home in Oakland. It's a scary big deal to me.

For the first time in a long long time, a pretty boy told me he found me attractive and I believed him. Nobody I know, but from what little I learned he's possibly drool worthy, though he's nine years my junior so I'm not even going to hope to get my hopes dashed. If I thought I'd have a chance I might have given him my number. Instead his closest and best friend is having me take pictures of his children and said he has to come as well. So maybe he will.

Actually, they both came across as really good cool guys with a ton of earned self confidence. Friends since nine, successful ex-business partners that earned them enough that this is a different type of store manager - I get what they're trying to do.

I'm bubbling like a high school girl but it's so difficult to make friends that the joy of meeting new, possibly really together guys. Meet the guy with kids wife maybe when we do picture playtime. It will feel so good to shoot my 30D again but I had better get everything out and polished and charged and so on. *GRIN*

There's a lot of serious stuff I'm uncertain of what to do about. Earning money when you can't work due to disabilities means that you literally on the mercy of the world around you. The people who make up our world are too often uncharitable and either they accuse people of malingering or make other mendacious attacks or they don't comprehend what it is to have a whole lot of nothing.

Now I have a lot of stuff, a few pieces of large framed art, a two room set of wooden furniture that's just lovely. A washer/dryer set that I hope I can move into where ever it is I next live, and a large tv that needs fixing, or I need to give up as a lost cause because it's a 41" Samsung that clicks incessantly rather than turn on. That's worth $150 for parts or for somebody else to fix on the cheap instead of one of my friends.

My bed is covered in papers and bills and notices and it all needs to get sorted and moved but I have to focus on my responsibilities that come faster due and ASAP.

This is to see if you bothered to read this, to see if you understand what I'm trying to share : The stress and everything means it is clearly close to steroid shot time if I don't want to worsen. Right? Right! What car do I want? The Matrix! Why? It handles better, has far more space, and it's not giving up too much in gas mileage. What house do I want? The one across the street! Not really. I've no knowledge at all about it. But I'd love to remain in this neighborhood.