To describe this feeling as mere exhausted insomniac despair does not do it justice. I can't stress this enough: the worse thing about this for me is the feeling of "this pain and nausea and misery isn't going away, and having to wake up like this every day is too much to expect of me. I'm not strong enough.
I've put myself out on the line. I've done what I can at every juncture to get through this or past it or even just tried ignoring it, but it hasn't abated for more than ten days, and even that pain relief has been taken away due to not having the funds to pay for the film strips that seem to seriously work much better than the generic sublingual pills.
It seems to me my quality of life is bad enough that leaving with (legal) help would be allowable in other countries.
Anybody want to help me put together a documentary using a project funding site about not only healthcare from the view of a person in my ridiculous situation and condition, but also fund the necessary travel to see about the current procedure for a person in serious pain and their ability to choose to die in countries around the world.
Only a few countries allow pain and loss of quality of life as reasons. Usually it's hospice or general less than six months to live that allow for it. The USA is not one of them, basically. Even the two places allowing it are very very careful to not stir up too much controversy,
Insomnia for me equals misery.
I feel not only sad, but also morose and miserable. Though I've asked for help, it seems only a couple people understand my situation. I'm taking an Ativan. It's 5:15am and I should have slept hours ago,
Thank heaven for Freecell on my iPad. It, and a few other distractions, help me not beat myself to death.