?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Recent Entries Friends Archive Profile Twitter Feed Tags
 
 
 
 
 
 

Okay, watching a lot of stuff when I'm not re-reading my Discworld novels. Julian Assange is super hot (physically, mind you). Seriously, what is my fascination with slender, brilliant men that have a feminine side?

Shawn still has the wedding ring and it's weird because many people around me (four people particularly) keep telling me to sell mine since I need money and Shawn's never coming back and he's effectively ruined my life by leaving me with no health insurance when I desperately need it. He could have stayed married to me to help me, while still living where he does now. So do I sell it? I don't know.

Watching a lot of movies that are either brand new or ones I've wanted to rewatch for a long time. But watching the wonderful "Slaughterhouse Five" based on the book of the same title but with the subheading "The Children's Crusade" I wonder why do we always mock the French as "surrender monkeys," when Italy had Mussolini at the same time? Or Japan? Our memories are so short. The bombing of Dresden...we're horrible sometimes. Truly horrible. I mean people are horrible to people like me, disabled, and we're supposed to be the GOOD people. The caring people. So why hate socialized medicine or help for people like me? Why?

Even with the hideous things that people have done within the past 100 years it's horrible how badly the populous doesn't remember. Though there was a good joke I saw on either the Daily Show or The Colbert Report about how short are collective memories are when he discussed why our minds don't recall our whole problem with Iran starting when we deposed one of their leaders to install a USA puppet, then there were the hostages, etc. etc. Why?

Started Clonidine Hcl last night. I'm sitting up right now, but my body hurts so much. My stomach is still pretty sensitive. But I'm trying to just to be happy, or at least content - with my friends helping. I do feel very isolated and alone since the pain is pretty bad, my fibro, my back surgery, my sciatic nerve on the left side of my body? All of it BAD. But Carl, Melissa, and even Steven have really reached out to me. Things with Raul aren't good, but I'm biding time until I can move. But the question is where to?

And really, why all the suffering? Why? Not just mine, which is personal, but the whole thing. I wish I could write as well as Vonnegut. I wish I could write as well as most of the people I look up to. Is that what stops me from finishing anything? The knowledge that maybe I'm not good enough to ever get published, even with all my experiences that make great stories? Am I a failure because I haven't tried hard enough? 

 
 
 
 
 
 
if you need the money sell it, this would be an especially good time to sell it since it's the holiday season and jewelry will most likely go for more now vs any other time of the year. which i guess sounds callous, but what good is having the ring bringing you other than painful memories that you already have, you know?
Why did Shawn respond he still has the ring? Why did he get so upset when the tattoo we got together, when I said I wanted a coverup since it's based on a name we were going to have together and is HIS Native American name? I still love him. I'm stupid, I know. But I've got another vote to sell, and honestly that helps.
when did you last talk to him?

it's a difficult call. my mother in law and father in law have been married, and have stayed married even though she left him 18 years ago (she realized she was gay) and even though they live in different states and don't talk much, he wanted her to be on his insurance.

i mean, if shawn was super religious and really into the "meaning" of having a legal marriage, then yeah i could see getting divorced. but he knows you can't take care of yourself financially right now, so i don't see what the big deal is