mollyblack (mollyblack) wrote,

Where things are lately

So I've been active lately. As the Doctor would phrase it, I've been running harder and faster than ever since I started becoming really sick. My social life is full, I'm surrounded by friends, and I've been going on a crazy amount of dates.

There's Adrian. He's a total IT guy and other than us having diet and politics at odds (which is a bummer), he loves the fact I'm, as he termed it last night, "a total geek." He acts like he didn't know we exist in female form.

I mean yes, gaming, sci-fi, anime-loving, women are probably rarer than I think, but it feels like I'm not that much of an anomaly. Maybe due to my age? I don't know.

Finding people to do the things I love doing with me is becoming easier lately, even with my disability and upcoming hip replacement. It's a part of why I'm so busy - I feel like I'm both making up for lost time, as well as stocking up for future lost time.

This is going into my LiveJournal because it encapsulates something I very much have been trying to describe. At least to myself, if not also to the wider world. After I turned into the social butterfly I became, the disabled and drugged shell I turned into - I thought I was locked into that forever. And I may lose myself - my self - again, but I don't want to. I want to do things, create things, BE things, that a year ago I could only remember having wanted in my past. But I thought doing and being was through for me.

Whatever anybody else thinks of Raul, as a caregiver and roommate he lacked certain things, but he stuck by me when my body turned even further against me. The same goes for Steven. He came back and has tried to keep me going through the worst of both our situations. And the importance of John in my life can not be emphasized enough - and I believe he feels the same way. Because I can't just lie there a hollow shell anymore and I refuse to let the terror of my situation win.

Oh, Bridget, we are so far away, but my heart breaks for you and if I could help with more than words I would. And I feel that way for all my friends. You know who you are...Katie & Jeremiah...Steven & Tiffany...Melissa & CeCe...even Paul & Michael...there are so many more! Joy, Zoe, Sam, Sarah, Joanna, Chip <-- all so far away and yet your mementos of love and care are around me.

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